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Have you heard the expression “Boots on the Ground?” Well our Live Dead Missionaries are the boots on the Silk Road. Here we’d like to take a moment and allow one of them to share a snapshot of their life with you. Some names and details have been changed, but this is a true story from this colorful, vibrant, and sometimes surprising region.

That question has been playing in my head for the last week like a song lyric.

It starts with tension. A threat. Then somewhere the explosion happens. Emergency calls, news reports, police tape.

Then everyone tries to settle back to “normal,” the tension just a little bit higher. Another explosion. Arrests. A few days spent mostly at home, waiting out the instability.

The waiting is terrible. I don’t wish for it to happen, I don’t hope it happens, but I hate the feeling that another one could go off anytime, anywhere. Like some terrible thing you just want to get over with. The problem is, one bomb blowing up doesn’t cancel the others. It’s just a reminder that more could come.

The one a few blocks from where I attend church was shaking. A couple friends were on their way to the neighborhood where the bomb went off. They quickly returned home. I was headed out of town with a local friend, alerted to the emergency via text. I sat trying to process, knowing maybe I should be sad or scared. Instead I just felt tired. I just wanted it to be over.

I got to the border. The system read my visa incorrectly, meaning I had to pay a fine. We got the paperwork sorted out and went on our way. My friend told me how nervous she had been.

I replied with aplomb garnered across much too frequent international paperwork.

“What happens happens.”

“It costs what it costs.”

As I said the words though, I had to ask myself: Why am I trying so hard to ensure I can go back somewhere that seems to be getting more dangerous every day?

Because it costs what it costs.

Counting the Cost

I have made a commitment to share Jesus with the unreached. We are told in the gospel to count the cost, and though I did that before I left, we can never really know the cost of our decision before we make it.

Daily as I move forward I discover new costs. As I do, I have to decide again: do I stand by my commitment or forsake my calling?

As I pondered this question, these words came to my mind:

“I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back, no turning back.”

Carrying this cross is costing me more every day. It has cost me my sense of security. In many ways my sense of self. It has cost me opportunities or paths I might have had otherwise.

I don’t want to make myself out to be holier than I am. I’m not on some other plane of self-martyrdom, but I have to acknowledge what saying “yes” to Jesus has cost me.

As we have been crucified with Christ, so we shall be raised with Him. It does no good to hem and haw and say that my sacrifice is nothing, though it pales in comparison with what Christ has done for me. To be crucified with Christ I must admit that I am carrying a cross. I must allow myself to feel the pain of losing all the things that are being taken from me. I must stop numbing this loss and instead face it full on.

As I do so I am able to walk through into the healing grace of God. I plead with Him for that grace, for His peace, knowing only He can mend the things that are being broken inside of me.

Where will I be when the bombs go off? I do not fear death. That would mean the end of loss and the beginning of eternity. What I fear is that as I live in this growing tension I will allow the pressure to silence me. That I will forsake the Savior who has already given everything for me. That I will be too afraid to share Him with those who have yet to hear of Him.

Regardless of what happens, I hope I will be found with my feet firmly planted and my heart fixed on Jesus.

You can make a difference by praying for missionaries along the Silk Road.

Pray for boldness to share the gospel.

Pray for wisdom to navigate the emotional, physical and spiritual challenges of living in a volatile area.

Pray for resilience to stay healthy through a long and fruitful ministry.

Pray for the covering and favor of the Lord.

Pray that many would come to know the saving power of Jesus Christ through these troubling times.

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