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Melissa is a loud, proud football mama living outside of Detroit. She is a blogger, online mentor and nanny, but most importantly a wife and mother to 3 awesome and crazy boys. 

There’s this boy.  He stole my heart.  I call him son.

But he’s not mine.

And he’s not a boy.

He’s a man, serving Jesus.  Far, far away.

When God brought him into my family, he really was a boy.  At 18, our society would call him a man, but he certainly seemed like a boy to me.

Over the 3 years he served in children’s ministry at our church, we got to know him better and better.  He quickly became like a big brother to my brood of boys.  A son to me and my husband.  A free babysitter that worked for food and laundry facilities.  Unfortunately for him, at that point in my life, I wasn’t the greatest cook, especially as full time wife and mom and full-time teacher.  But he loved our Joe Corbi’s frozen pizzas.  He still talks about them to this day.

He rough-housed, doled out nicknames and treated our boys like little brothers.

And I in turn, treated him like I now treat my teenaged sons.  Nagging him to clean the lint trap in the dryer after each load, put the toilet seat down….and other common complaints of a woman living in a house full of boys.

Girl trouble, graduation, mission trips oversees, job searches, moves to another state for a ministry job, the desire to be a missionary somewhere outside of the country… through it all we listened. Gave advice. Prayed. Did all the things that we could for a ‘boy’ we loved.

Before we knew it, he was making plans to go oversees to be a missionary.

And before my eyes, my ‘boy’ had turned into a young man.

Driving thousands of miles to raise support.  Preaching in churches sharing the call God has placed on his heart.  Coming and talking to some of our closest friends about Live Dead Silk Road.  And wrestling with our boys afterward.  But this visit, our oldest did squats with him on his back.  He showed my boys countless silly You Tube videos.  Introduced us to the term ‘I can’t even’ with the stupidest video I’ve ever seen.  I think I got dumber just watching it.  And yet “I can’t even” became part of our family conversations.  It crops up from time to time and I think of my ‘4th son’ fondly.

And as I write this, I fight back the tears that threaten to fall and cloud my eyes from seeing the computer screen.  Because if I could just show you some pictures, type his name, show you the videos…you would love him too.

But I can’t even.

Dancing in my kitchen.  Reading the Bible with my boys when they were little.  Wrestling with my boys, 2 of which are now taller than him.  Hear him call my boys the nicknames he has for them…Mephibosheth, Ziba, and Bucko.  Listen to him pray with and for my boys.

But for his safety, the safety of his team, I can’t even share these pictures, these videos.  And that breaks a momma’s heart.  Even if she hasn’t birthed this son.

The other day I was in Target and saw a beautiful globe.  I picked it up and naturally spun it to locate the country where he is living.  So far away from the United States.  And so in the midst of strife.  In the midst of such uncertainty.  In the midst of war.  In the midst of a great need of Jesus.

And I was struck with ‘I can’t even’ thoughts. I can’t even imagine leaving the life you’ve known in the U.S. to serve Jesus.  I can’t even comprehend what it would be like to say goodbye to your friends and family for 3 years.  I can’t even wrap my head around moving to a country where you don’t know the language even a tiny bit.

So as I fought back the tears thinking of the uncertainty that exists in that area of the world, I realized that I need to instead focus on all that Jesus is doing there. Replace my ‘can’t even’s’ with ‘Jesus can’. I think about how Live Dead Silk Road is there, following Jesus, serving Jesus, sharing Jesus, loving others, growing relationships and planting churches.

Jesus can.

Right now, in this season of my life ‘I can’t even’ go.  But I can give. I can pray. I can share. And so can you.

Will you pray with me for those serving on the Silk Road?  For my ‘son’?  The churches they are planting?  The relationships they are building with our future brothers and sisters in Christ?  That they would imprint Jesus on the hearts and eternity’s of those living along the Silk Road?

Because when ‘we can’t even’….Jesus can.

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