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Have you heard the expression “Boots on the Ground?” Well our Live Dead Missionaries are the boots on the Silk Road. Here we’d like to take a moment and allow one of them to share a snapshot of their life with you. Some names and details have been changed, but this is a true story from this colorful, vibrant, and sometimes surprising region.

As I am writing this I have been in Central Eurasia for 109 days. One-hundred nine days full of growth, excitement, homesickness, new experiences and even fear. Yes, fear. A feeling that I can honestly say I haven’t dealt with very much in my life. I have loved every moment of being here—even the bad ones. About three weeks ago, however, I encountered a moment that was hard to love.

I was with my husband on a beautiful Saturday, ready to explore a new part of our city that we haven’t gotten to see much of. As we rode the metro for about 45 minutes we arrived to our destination ready to take on the day. Just as we stepped off the metro we got a phone call from a team member. The person on the other end said, “A bomb has gone off. Are you guys okay? You need to go home.” We quickly realized we were very close to the bomb. In fact, we were less than a mile from where it had gone off. 

Within minutes we heard sirens and saw many police vehicles. People started to shut down their shops along the street. Police officers with big guns started to patrol the streets. The mood had suddenly shifted. It became very evident that my husband and I needed to get home. This was the first time I experienced true fear. I was fearful that the people weren’t done bombing. I was fearful of the big guns. I was worried about how we were to get home. After a few long minutes of figuring out the safest way home, we decided to take a taxi. It was in the taxi that I remember thinking, “I just want to go home.”

Back to Normal?

Sunday morning soon rolled around, and we were ready to get on with a normal day. We left our home and started to head to our grocery store, when we came across police barricades and smoke coming from a store. Fear had struck me once again. We had no idea what had happen. Seconds later we turn to see an army of S.W.A.T. teams hurrying to the situation. We decided it was best to go home. After we informed our team leaders of what we saw, they thought it would be best for everyone to stay inside for the day, saying they would give us more information as it came.

The following day, our team decided to go on with our daily activities. Fear struck me again. I didn’t want to leave my home. Two days in a row I experienced events I’ve never experienced before. I was afraid. At our office, our team discussed the events that happened, security, how we felt, and how to deal with the situation. Although that helped, I still had fear. Since that Saturday, I was very anxious. I couldn’t trust this country that I had come to love.

Shifting Focus

Before the events took place, I decided that that week I would start to get back into running. My husband does it every morning and I wanted to join. We got up at 5:30 Tuesday morning and ran. I turned on my worship/rap music and began to run. Even that morning I was hesitant to go out. I was still in a fearful mindset and wanted to stay home, but I went anyways. At first my thoughts were just focused on running. It had been awhile, so I was mainly focusing on not dying! I soon started to look around. I realized how beautiful and peaceful my neighborhood was so early. I began to feel more comfortable. The next day I went running again. I turned on my music and felt the need to pray for this nation. I began praying for the people, for peace, and for my neighborhood.  Fear began to wash away from me. 

By taking the focus off myself and focusing on why I am here, God began to wash away my fear.

From that day on, I’ve started to run very regularly. A song that I have listened to over time goes like this:

I’m not done. 

We’re not done.

God’s not done.

That song spoke to me. I’m not done here in this country. God has called me to this place for a reason. I am not going to let fear win. We’re not done. My team is not done. It has been such an honor to work with wonderful individuals. As the incidents affected everyone differently, we all remained here. We all believe that God’s not done in this country. God loves every single person in this country and He is not done yet. If we are willing to stay and overcome fear, He will work through us.  

This is the biggest thing I have learned from these 109 days here. God is not done. He never is. No matter how we feel and no matter what happens, He’s not done. He always wins. I am so thankful for this calling on my life, no matter what comes with it. It has been so amazing.

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