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Can self-love be healthy? Psychiatrists, motivational speakers and many ‘helpful’ blogs have said, “Of course!” After all, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, right? It seems to make sense, but what does the Bible say?

Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

The Bible also says one of the great commandments is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” However, this command is not an endorsement to love ourselves first so we can love our neighbors better. It assumes we already do love ourselves. We feed, clothe and support ourselves as God enables us. The focus of the command is on our neighbors, not ourselves.

A Selfish Heart

As part of the human race, we are born into selfishness. My pastor recently said, “What are some of the first words babies learn?  ‘No’ and then ‘Mine'”. If you have an only child, they will quickly learn ‘mine’ once they began playing with other kids. Children are obviously not taught this by their parents, so where does it come from?

The Bible says in Psalms 51:5, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.”

Selfishness has permeated American culture with marketing slogans like, “Because you’re worth it” or “Obey your thirst.”

They may not seem terrible in a general sense, but they most definitely feed a selfish heart.

Now, does that mean we can’t go on a vacation or treat ourselves once awhile? Absolutely not. God designed a day of rest from the beginning to help us stay energized physically and mentally for life. The problem, then, lies in your heart and your motives. Do you wish you had the vacations others have? Do you gorge yourself on food because “you’re worth it?”

What Defines Our Worth?

Many people argue your self-worth is tied to your self-love. This couldn’t be further from the truth:

1 Peter 2:9 says, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”

And Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

Aren’t these verses exciting?! God has prepared a way for us to proclaim the excellencies of Him! We have been called out of darkness, out of shame and out of sin.

I believe the vast majority of the time, low self-esteem or self-worth are caused by one of two things: 1) We don’t understand who we are in Christ and the love he has for us, and/or 2) We can’t forgive ourselves for things we’ve done, which in all actuality, puts ourselves above God.

Feelings of shame are always from the devil. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Looking to God

So what should we do? A mindset of loving oneself, before others is wrong. We will always give ourselves our basic necessities, and most likely much more. We must spend time with God, both in prayer and the Bible, in order to learn how God sees us and loves us unconditionally. God will forgive you of past mistakes and even willful sin.  If God can forgive us, we must learn to forgive ourselves.

Finally, Paul’s maturity in Acts 20:24 is something we must all strive for,

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

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